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clrockyjr
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Name: Cindy
Location: Houston, Texas, United States
Birthday: 6/4/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: Dance, music, hanging out,playing mostly any sport, junglepong, drinking water, watching rain, movies, turkey sandwiches. Church is fun because you learn about Jesus and other important things. I love blued eyed guys and guys who play an instruments.
Expertise: Talking to people, being complete and totally random, jamming out to awesome music, and being Cindy! I like to think I am a good friend to people because I really try! Being devovated to my faith. I also can sleep very well, I have had 19 years to practice.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  clrockyjr
Member Since:
8/29/2005
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| I haven't written in a long time. It was not because I didn't have time or didn't have anything to write about. Just that fact that I didn't care enough to do so.
I have decided to change that fact because I need to find therapy in the written word. I am going to try the blog thing again mostly because I lose journals. I have about 20 and they are all half full of random quotes and grocery list. I need something just to write.
As an English teacher, I have found that it is easy to lose sight of what it is like to share your thoughts and opionions. I encourage and sometimes "force" students to speak their mind. I feel like a hypocrite when I have them journal everyday and I haven't picked up a pen in about 4 years to journal. Now 4 weeks into my career, I am trying to change this feeling.
Life is full of ups and downs. One minute you are sitting in a dark room wondering where your next meal is going to come from and the next you are buying a meal for someone who is less fortunate than yourself. Everyone tells you life is difficult or unfair. There has never been a more true statement. I will ,however; say once you find a balance it does become more bearable.
I have found the unfairness of life liveable because of love. Love for my Jesus, Love for my boyfriend, Love for my dogs, Love for my family, Love for my students, and Love for my friends.
The most incredible person in my life is Jeremy Green, my boyfriend. Sounds cliche, but in reality it isn't. Our relationship has been hard and impossible at one point. We took advantage of each other, lied, it felt like we hated each other sometimes. Until we found the balance. I have never felt so accepted. When I feel fat, ugly, dumb, or any sense of insecurity, he wraps me in his arms and tells me I am beautiful to him, and if I feel like I need to change, YOU CAN DO IT! Wow! I love hearing those words, YOU CAN DO IT...it isn't in a tone like here is my routine of this speech. It is sincere. It is the most beautiful thing to see. I love him and want to spend eternity with him. Despite our turbulent past and all the speculation... I know he is my future. When the wind blows I feel God whispering "trust me, he is made for you."
AMAZING. You don't turn your back on that. You work through those problems. Love isn't convient, or passionate. It is unconditional.
This is not only true in my relationship but in my career. Like I stated before I am a teacher, a first year teacher, at that. It is hard. I have students say hateful things to me and other students. I hurts, it makes me feel like I am not cut out to do this. Until I am able to help a student. Today, I had a student making a 26 in my class! I called his mom and we talked out strategies. I took him aside and had him retake his exam. I asked him if he wanted to review, he didnl't want to at first. Once he agreed, I learned so much from the student I was teaching! He went from a 26 to an 83! It was because I took the time to help him, to understand his needs. After we were finished with the exam, he asked if he could come to tutorials with me after school. I was floored. He asked me! It was a heart warming experience.
45 minutes of blogging and I feel a little emotional. I guess it is just like a true therapy session. | | |
| Wasting time
thinking about you
with a smile on my face
Eyes closed
mind emersed
in my thoughts of us
Listening to another Love song
Feeling my heart beat
slowly breathing in
my dreams
Dreams of love
and happiness
that is what I see
Hearing lyrics of love
beautiful words
that mean nothing
"I need you closer..."
"Making Memories..."
"Just forget the world..."
All empty words
when there is no one
to share it with
longing for them to
have meaning
and dreaming of that day
Tears begin to
roll down my cheeks
know that I am listening to another love song
Forgetting reality
Floating to nonexistence
beginning to imagine
Embracing the idea
of agapeing love
forgetting the world
Feeling his arms
wrap around me
trying to protect my love
No more love songs can express the emotion
laying in silence
staring at the wall
tears falling to the ground
it is just a song
when you have
no one to love.
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| Sitting and listening to the pitter patter of the rain on my car window
and listening to Deathcab all I think is wow, how lucky am I to be able
to enjoy the simple things such as rain. It is one of the must relaxing
things to me, just to listen to the sweet pitter patter of the rain on
the window. After a long day of school work, work, and not much fun, it
was great to be able to clear my head and listen. Not having to worry
about anyone or think about anything. Sitting there with your thoughts
and the only thing you can think is the lyrics to a song and imagining
in your head. As I am sitting I begin to feel relaxed, which is truly a
foreign feeling to me. I sit and watch then begin to think, I want to
write a song, not just any song, but a good song with lyrics you can
touch and feel. That is kind of weird to think about but I think it
happens just like in novels. It is so powerful to have an instrument
accompanying the sweet story.
I usually do not enjoy being
alone, but tonight I am so excited to be alone. No one wanting me to
hold them or speak to me about anything, all alone in this room with my
thoughts I what I am going to do, not out of pity or anger but because
I want to. Just being content with the things in my life, being happy
with the blessing that has been bestowed on me. Thank you God, for all
of you gifts and talents that you have given the world and to me. Thank
you for the rain.
I mean I love that but this is the first time
in a long while that I want time to myself. I am not going to do
homework, clean, or worry about the things in my life. I am going to
sit and think and possible write about the things I enjoy. For once I
am taking the approach about what I want not what society and its
people are pushing me to do. I am going to enjoy the calming sounds of
the acoustic guitar that Deathcab has provided and relax. Of course
listening to the sweet sound of the rain tapping on my window.....
Hopefully it won..t be interrupted by people because I just want to
have my time for myself and think about the blessing in my life, the
people I care for and to relax. | | |
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I was sitting in Mythology today and our professor was talking about love. He told us about his wife, who died recently, and how much he loves her. He said in 18 years of their marriage the only bickered, they didn't fight. I thought to myself wow, that is amazing. Then he turns to us and ask what is love in 2006? Hmm, what an interesting question because I do not know. Some of things that were said were things like trustworthy, caring, understanding, friendship and passion. Funny thing not one of those words popped into my head when I thought of love. Unconditional is the word I thought of. With all these pleasant ideas of love, there is always someone who has a different outlook. Well these outlooks came from the back of the room from a group on ladies.... the things they had to say were horrible. They said love is pain, confusion, and even not real. How sad is that? No to believe in love. I made a comment to my friends sitting next to me, Just because society can not find love does not mean individuals can not. I was very proud because it came off insightful, more like in shock I think it was. Love is not complicated, if you know where to find it. I think the hard part about it is finding it. Some people look so hard to find it, in all the wrong places. What if true love is sitting right in front of us? It could be right there but we would never know. I am the same way, looking for love. It is something I want more than anything, I fear being alone. I love to be held when I am sad, to have to security that someone loves me even thought I screwed up. Like I said unconditional love. That is all I want out of this life. I do not want romantic love, mostly because that is temporary there is only so much time a physical relationship can last. NO matter how much I screw up, I want the person I am with to be like everyone makes mistakes and they will forgive me for my stupidity. I have never really thought of love this intensely but my mythology class really got to me. Just think about it for a minute and you will realize that life without love isn't much of a life. Love without trust is not love at all. | | |
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I wish I was that girl, swinging without a care in the world. Far away from reality and away from my problems. Never knowing what pain is. I want to be in her world where beauty is captured with one snap of a camera. To soar amoung the clouds, feeling nothing but pure bliss. I want to be far away from this life, because it hurt so much all of a sudden.
I wish I was that girl, swinging with a care in the world, but I am not. | | |
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