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clrockyjr
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Name: Cindy
Country: United States
State: Texas
Metro: Houston
Birthday: 6/4/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: Dance, music, hanging out,playing mostly any sport, junglepong, drinking water, watching rain, movies, turkey sandwiches. Church is fun because you learn about Jesus and other important things. I love blued eyed guys and guys who play an instruments.
Expertise: Talking to people, being complete and totally random, jamming out to awesome music, and being Cindy! I like to think I am a good friend to people because I really try! Being devovated to my faith. I also can sleep very well, I have had 19 years to practice.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  clrockyjr
Member Since:
8/29/2005
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| Wasting time
thinking about you
with a smile on my face
Eyes closed
mind emersed
in my thoughts of us
Listening to another Love song
Feeling my heart beat
slowly breathing in
my dreams
Dreams of love
and happiness
that is what I see
Hearing lyrics of love
beautiful words
that mean nothing
"I need you closer..."
"Making Memories..."
"Just forget the world..."
All empty words
when there is no one
to share it with
longing for them to
have meaning
and dreaming of that day
Tears begin to
roll down my cheeks
know that I am listening to another love song
Forgetting reality
Floating to nonexistence
beginning to imagine
Embracing the idea
of agapeing love
forgetting the world
Feeling his arms
wrap around me
trying to protect my love
No more love songs can express the emotion
laying in silence
staring at the wall
tears falling to the ground
it is just a song
when you have
no one to love.
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| Sitting and listening to the pitter patter of the rain on my car window
and listening to Deathcab all I think is wow, how lucky am I to be able
to enjoy the simple things such as rain. It is one of the must relaxing
things to me, just to listen to the sweet pitter patter of the rain on
the window. After a long day of school work, work, and not much fun, it
was great to be able to clear my head and listen. Not having to worry
about anyone or think about anything. Sitting there with your thoughts
and the only thing you can think is the lyrics to a song and imagining
in your head. As I am sitting I begin to feel relaxed, which is truly a
foreign feeling to me. I sit and watch then begin to think, I want to
write a song, not just any song, but a good song with lyrics you can
touch and feel. That is kind of weird to think about but I think it
happens just like in novels. It is so powerful to have an instrument
accompanying the sweet story.
I usually do not enjoy being
alone, but tonight I am so excited to be alone. No one wanting me to
hold them or speak to me about anything, all alone in this room with my
thoughts I what I am going to do, not out of pity or anger but because
I want to. Just being content with the things in my life, being happy
with the blessing that has been bestowed on me. Thank you God, for all
of you gifts and talents that you have given the world and to me. Thank
you for the rain.
I mean I love that but this is the first time
in a long while that I want time to myself. I am not going to do
homework, clean, or worry about the things in my life. I am going to
sit and think and possible write about the things I enjoy. For once I
am taking the approach about what I want not what society and its
people are pushing me to do. I am going to enjoy the calming sounds of
the acoustic guitar that Deathcab has provided and relax. Of course
listening to the sweet sound of the rain tapping on my window.....
Hopefully it won..t be interrupted by people because I just want to
have my time for myself and think about the blessing in my life, the
people I care for and to relax. | | |
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I was sitting in Mythology today and our professor was talking about love. He told us about his wife, who died recently, and how much he loves her. He said in 18 years of their marriage the only bickered, they didn't fight. I thought to myself wow, that is amazing. Then he turns to us and ask what is love in 2006? Hmm, what an interesting question because I do not know. Some of things that were said were things like trustworthy, caring, understanding, friendship and passion. Funny thing not one of those words popped into my head when I thought of love. Unconditional is the word I thought of. With all these pleasant ideas of love, there is always someone who has a different outlook. Well these outlooks came from the back of the room from a group on ladies.... the things they had to say were horrible. They said love is pain, confusion, and even not real. How sad is that? No to believe in love. I made a comment to my friends sitting next to me, Just because society can not find love does not mean individuals can not. I was very proud because it came off insightful, more like in shock I think it was. Love is not complicated, if you know where to find it. I think the hard part about it is finding it. Some people look so hard to find it, in all the wrong places. What if true love is sitting right in front of us? It could be right there but we would never know. I am the same way, looking for love. It is something I want more than anything, I fear being alone. I love to be held when I am sad, to have to security that someone loves me even thought I screwed up. Like I said unconditional love. That is all I want out of this life. I do not want romantic love, mostly because that is temporary there is only so much time a physical relationship can last. NO matter how much I screw up, I want the person I am with to be like everyone makes mistakes and they will forgive me for my stupidity. I have never really thought of love this intensely but my mythology class really got to me. Just think about it for a minute and you will realize that life without love isn't much of a life. Love without trust is not love at all. | | |
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I wish I was that girl, swinging without a care in the world. Far away from reality and away from my problems. Never knowing what pain is. I want to be in her world where beauty is captured with one snap of a camera. To soar amoung the clouds, feeling nothing but pure bliss. I want to be far away from this life, because it hurt so much all of a sudden.
I wish I was that girl, swinging with a care in the world, but I am not. | | |
| I must say that the hardest thing to do is to say goodbye. I am finishing up here at Project Transformation and I have to say goodbye to the kids tomorrow. These kids have been a joy to have in this lifetime and I hope to come across some of them again. I haven fallen in love with every smiling face and every hug they have given me. I am not ready to let go, I mean, I don't want to leave them. My heart begins to break just thinking of say goodbye tomorrow. As these tears roll down my cheeks, I begin to think about this amazing journey I have had with these kids. They have taught me so much... and I am not willing to stop learning from them. I don't want to leave these kids because I will miss every hug, every smile, every sweet/funny comment, and the sound of their laughter.
At the same time, I am ready to go back to school, I miss all my friends and all my activities. These last few weeks have been full of anger and tears. I am not sure why maybe is because I think it will be easier to let go if this experience. It sounds so dumb, but it is just how it has panned out over these last few weeks. I have been an intorable person even to myself and I hate myself for putting myself through this and other people. I just want this to end as quickly as possible because this feeling is horrible. I hate crying, it makes me feel young and childish.
I have many lovely memories with these beautiful creations of God, but in the back of my mind I am still wanting to stay because this memory is not going to satisfy me. I want to be living these memories.
I am so heart broken.... so very very heart broken. I think I may understand how a parent feels when they lose a child to the law or a custody battle. I can't ever imagine not loving a child, when all they do is teach you how to love and devote yourself to others. I know that I have never been so devoted in my life to anything before. And here I am pouring my heart because I am not sure how to deal with this lose.
These tears are flowing more and more without an end in sight. Please pray for me because this is the hardest thing I have ever done and I don't know how I am going to deal with it.
....Please Lord help this heart stop breaking for it hurts beyond belief....
God Bless,
Cindy
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